July 14th

Last night I went to Hotel Des Mille Collines. The movie Hotel Rwanda is based off of Des Mille Collines during the genocide. It was a beautiful hotel but a lot of MUZUNGOOS, to many white people! This hotel is where several Rwandans took refuge. The hotel looked nothing like it did in the movie. It was so nice but its hard to believe that 18 years ago people were seeking shelter there, trying to avoid the brutality. The same place I enjoyed a fabulous dinner is where people where literally hiding to avoid death. 

Today I am leaving, I will have a post when I have time to collect my thoughts. Next stop Belgium then France, then back to Belgium. Im probably going to die I'm so sad. 

July 12

Today was my last day in Gisenyi. I spent the morning at the Clinic and the afternoon at the orphanage. I did the usual, taking blood and testing for HIV. Because people had to pay for their new insurance plan before July 1 its been very slow. Usually I do around 40 HIV tests a day, lately I have been doing about 8. People cant pay for their insurance so they don't come to the clinic. Out of curiosity I wanted to know how much insurance cost for a family or single person. For a family its 15,000 frn and for a single its about 5,000. 15,000 frn is the equivalence of 25 USD. Leaving the clinic was terrible, I told myself I wasn't going to cry... i did! I thanked all the nurses and they told me to come back. One of my best friends at the clinic even gave me a picture of himself so "I could always remember". After that tearful goodbye i went up to the orphanage, goodbyes there were even worse. I gave them all hugs and kisses and basically cried the whole time. The kids were even crying, a few asked if they would come home with me. I love them all but saying goodbye to Gushati was one of the saddest things I have ever done. I held him, hugged him, and told him goodbye. As I was leaving he wouldn't let go of me and started crying as well. God it was so hard. Being with these kids for the last 6 weeks has been such a great experience but I'm emotionally drained. I have become so attached, its hard to think about their future wellbeing. I want the best for all of them, but i know they are not in an environment where they can thrive. Life is not fair, why are they in such a crappy situation. As i walked out of the orphanage one last time most of the kids followed me to the gates. They told me they loved me and would never forget me. Walking out was one of the hardest things I have ever done, i cried the whole bus ride home. At this point the crying wasn't over. I had a 6pm bus to Kigali. I now had to leave Amahro and Angel. I bawled like a baby, these two people have been my support since I have been here. Between Kinyarwanda and basically survival they  taught me everything I needed to know about surviving Rwanda. I hope I can see these people very soon, they are amazing and have opened my eyes to Rwanda.  Im going to Kigali for the next few days where I plan to spend some time with the other volunteers. The Last few days I plan to shop, sight see, and visit the Kigali orphanage. Next stop Belgium and then France, but I really do not want to leave Rwanda!

Congo

Crazy things are going on right now between the Congo and Rwanda, very tense. It kinda makes me feel uneasy being so close to the border. All travel between Congo and Rwanda has been suspended and the Rwandan government is allegedly supporting the Rebels in the Congo. Not that i should be anywhere around the border but its my running rout. Yesterday I went on a run and it was very busy. UN trucks, Mercy Corps trucks, UNICEF, and double the amount of soldiers. I have been trying to get to the bottom of this issue but really there are several stories, who knows whats true. I am not taking sides at all, so my statements are purely objective, from what I understand after the genocide several Hutus fled to the Congo, since then Rwanda has invaded the Congo twice, Rwandan government (Tutsi) says its justified because they want to hold the Hutus responsible for their crimes during the genocide. Others speculate Rwanda is after the Congo minerals. On March 23 there was a peace treaty signed about civil rights in the Congo but because the Rebels (allegedly Tutsi Rwandans) didn't agree with lack of civil rights in the Congo they formed their own group called M23 names after the day the treaty was signed. Now the issue is the Rebels (Tutsi) are taking town after town in the Congo after the Hutus and Minerals. President Kagame (Rwandan President) denies the governments involvement. In response President Obama just denounced the Rwandan government and has banned importing minerals from the Congo. Like i said who knows whats going on. I only hope this these issues can be resolved peacefully. The country has supposedly moved past labelling people as Hutus and Tutsi, it worries me that certain groups are being blamed. I really hope the fighting doesn't spill over into Rwanda, i'm worried about my new friends.

Genocide

 I feel most of my posts have been about me and not about the Rwandan people or its history. I feel I have done a terrible job at explaining it, even neglected it, probably purposefully because of its brutality. But it should be addressed because people should know.

People can only see the images on the news so many times before they stop thinking how sad and accept it as reality. I want to remind you that although the Genocide was 18 years ago people are faced with its memories every day. Before I came here all I knew is what I had seen in the movie Hotel Rwanda, but being here for 6 weeks has shown me as an outsider looking in I know nothing, most people know nothing. Since I have been here I have been in search for some understanding, some insight, maybe a moral, or a lesson, or a clue about how to behave in this world. I got here and honestly had no clue how to confront the genocide.  I was told it is “taboo” to talk about. Even if people didn't talk about it directly I have yet to have a conversation of substance where the genocide did not surface or at least quietly, as a point of reference for understanding, or in most cases misunderstanding in humanity. But after being here I now embrace the stories rather than avoid them, because avoiding them makes me more uncomfortable about its existence.

The first day I arrived I met a man in the airport from Rwanda. We had the usual conversation and I explained I was from the U.S. His response was what a great country, so “humane”. I found it funny he  used the word humane to describe a country that still uses capital punishment. Until recently I thought that comment was odd. Rwanda is such a beautiful country with tea plantations, rain forests, volcanoes, and small villages. Not to mention the governments progress since 1994, everything must be ok right? I now have some insight into that comment. I can image how this country might feel empty. People lost everything. People killed neighbors, schoolmates, friends, even family. Hate doesn’t discriminate, no one was left unaffected. The 1994 genocide still leaves it mark, amputees and people with deforming scares walk among the streets, bullet holes remain in houses, and still there are a countless amount of orphans. Your next question as well as mine was why didn’t someone do something, or how could this even happen? Surely people know the difference between right and wrong. If you were Tutsi you were killed, if you were a Hutu that didn’t agree with the killings you were killed. I read at the Kigali memorial the amount of people being killed accumulated at nearly 3 times the rate of Jewish dead during the Holocaust. It was the most effective mass killing since the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. My mind is blow how this happened. Mass killings are surely organized, it doesn’t occur aimlessly. Throughout my stay several people have explained to me it was not just 1994 when all the destruction happened. Apparently this hatred was deeply rooted. People had been brainwashed to except it and accept it. I mean this with sincerity when I ask, in a country dominated by Christianity aren’t we all created equal, aren’t we all gods children? How can we go against our own faith and do this to each other?

Currently the Congo is facing similar issues. It was not been officially declared a genocide but hundreds of people are being killed each day but the rebels. I believe there are over 8 wars going on right now, all over possession of minerals. The same minerals that are used to manufacture our electronics. We are indirectly supporting a genocide and don’t even know it. People are fleeing for their lives and crossing into Rwanda. Ever day I run I see refuges crossing the border. A UNICEF camp is set up within a mile of where I live, and a huge refugee camp housing hundreds of people is within 10 miles of where I live. Once again western countries know this is happening. We know the Congo is a ticking time bomb but because its been bad for so long we accept it as reality. Something needs to be done, someone needs to help countries like the Congo and Rwanda so they can help themselves. Give them the means to thrive so they can stop relying on foreign intervention. Give people the chance to return to their own country and make it strong. Everyday I see refugees and their living conditions. I hope I never forget this experience because it puts my life into perspective. People are being tortured, raped, starved, and killed. I need to reevaluate my problems.

I will admit Rwanda is on the upswing, and compared to most African Countries is doing pretty well. Still there are several things within the government I question. For  the sake of remaining neutral while I am here I will reframe from talking politics.

Although its history is dark hopefully its future will be bright. I don’t now how accurate this really is but I read in the news the Rwandan Government has a goal to turn Rwanda into a middle income country, the project is called vision 2020. It emphases equality, anticorruption, and development etc. Statistics say since implementation life expectancy has increase to 65, poverty has decreased and per capita income has increase to 900 USD. Something also very interesting about Rwanda is as of 2008 45 of 80 seats of parliament are women. Rwanda is the only country in the world whose parliament contains fewer males than females. The mythology behind this is women would never allow the mass killing that occurred during the genocide.  Out of curiosity I looked up the US, we have under 20 percent females representatives.

I will be leaving here very soon, too soon. There is still so much for me to learn, to experience. Honestly I love home and I am so grateful to come from a country where I have choices. But how can I go back to a place where people take so much for granite, where people live within their comfort zones and don’t stop to thin about how others live. I hope I never forget what I have learned here, the value of life and freedom and how precious it is. I will return in the future to work or volunteers, maybe not here but somewhere that is equally as vulnerable. As for right now the Rwandan people should be applauded, considering their size, lack of resources,  and the genocide, these people continue to amaze me with all they have achieved.

July 9th

Friday I left for Kigali, I had plans to go to a music festival called Kigali Up. The ride to Kigali is about  3 hours. It took me about 5, my bus broke down around 10 times and it rear ended another car. Another moment in this trip I could have died, I have basically accepted the fact that I am always in some type of danger regardless what I do. I made it there in one piece and safe. Saturday and Sunday myself and the other volunteers went to the festival. It was pretty cool, I didn’t realize how big of an event this was. It was outside and there was two stages. The music ranged from local artist to well know in Rwanda, and other  countries in Africa. There was even someone there from the U.S. All types of music was represented. I loved it, so much music and A LOT of food! There was even Indian, a year ago I would have turned that down but because I have been only eating African bring it on!  The best thing about being there was watching people dance, I don’t know what it is about black people but they have so much rhythm. They dance effortlessly and look amazing. Loving to dance myself I went up to the front of the stage and danced with them. I was the only white person dancing… hopefully I didn’t look to white!

Probably the coolest thing about going to this festival is I saw the contestants from Guma Guma. Guma Guma is Rwandas version of American Idol. Everyone knows them and watches them each week to see who gets voted off. People went nuts when they performed, I must say J Pauly is my favorite.

Since I have been here I have lost so much weight, basically I feel emaciated. My pants not longer fit and I feel gross. I was really trying to avoid this but I’m always hungry. I weighted myself the other day and I am the lightest I can remember post puberty.  I try to eat as much as I can but the weight has literally fallen off. If I lived here I feel like my body would waist away. No wonder malnutrition is such as issue. I have been thinking no wonder people here have such an issue with malnutrition, I am struggling to stay healthy and I can afford to feed myself, what do they people who have no money? This just makes me realize people in the U.S. have no concept of what its like to be hungry.

The Congo is literally a ticking time bomb. Because I am so close to the border I try to stay informed about what’s going on, purely for safety. People are pretty limited on the information they get here so I get mine through BBC. Every day I see a massive influx of refugees, recently the numbers are increasing. Apparently all tourism has been suspended because of the Rebels.  From what I know the rebels are going through each town trying to gain territory for minerals. People are being killed everyday. They are now moving east, for those who don’t know Rwanda is east of the Congo. They are now e advancing on Goma which is about 1.3 km from where i live. Last week a UN peacekeeper was killed because of the fighting, much more has been happening, all I can say is things are getting a little too crazy here. I will tell you more once I get home safely.

bus stop video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDFMxasAKmg&feature=youtu.be

July 7th

This past week has been ok. The doctor is driving me insane, I'm trying to remind myself its not my fault she lacks people skills. Its a shame, I could really learn a lot from her. The clinic has been pretty slow this past week. From what i understand people had till July 1st to pay their health insurance for the upcoming year. The money is paid lump sum so most people cant afford it right away. 

This week i had 3 people test positive for HIV. A married couple and a married man. The married mans wife tested negative. That was a difficult situation. Since drug use is not very common here I can only assume he is or has been sleeping with someone that is HIV positive. Its a sad situation, what will his wife do? I also delivered four babies this week. Two boys two girls, this now brings my total up to seven babies. I also witnessed my first episiotomy. The thought of it is enough to make me faint but when you are the assistant it is not a time to be weak. As if an episiotomy isn't bad enough the mom had no anaesthetic... Jesus!  I have now officially come to the conclusion I am NEVER having kids, I will never abuse my body like that. I was then given the opportunity to stitch her up, under supervision of course. At that point she received a local anaesthetic but she was still grimacing in pain. On thursday i delivered a 9 pound baby and within minutes turned around and delivered 4 pound baby. The 4 pounder came out so quick i barely had enough time to get a clean pair of gloves on.  

I had another first this week at the clinic. Usually my patients don't speak a word of english, so conversation is very limited. The other day i had a young man sit down for an HIV test and said hello to me. I then asked him if he spoke english, he responded in broken english yes. Excited I asked him his name and how old he was. He told me his name and said he was 23. He then asked me how old I was, I responded 21. You would think the next question would be what are you doing here, or maybe how do you like Rwanda, but no. He then told me he was single and looking for a wife. He then asked me to marry him. I kindly refused, HIV clinics is not where i pick up my men. 

I also have been running a lot here. Hopefully the higher altitude helps me when I get home. For some reason people are still shocked to see me run. They cheer, wave and run with me. I had a man run about a mile with me the other day. I kinda like having a running partner. Im going to miss the support once i get home.


Since I have been gone i have gotten several messages from friends and family about how amazing my experiences are and how proud they are of me. Thank you for everything, and thank you for reading, it really means a lot to me. People reading this should all know that you have shaped who I am and what I am interested in. I got a facebook message from an high school bio teacher saying "Bre...I am so incredibly proud of what you are doing. I just finished reading your last several posts (blog) and I had tears in my eyes as you described some of the situations, and was laughing out loud at others. The experiences you are gaining there are worth infinitely more than any money you could earn. As for the six toes and six fingers....it is probably due to polydactyly, an autosomal dominant inheritance. Again, I am SOOOOOOO proud of what you are doing. You are influencing and most likely changing lives, and that is truly something very special :)". This means so much to me, but little does she know she is one of the reasons I am here, Ericsson also played a big part. They are the two teachers that opened my eyes to science, they are the reason I became so interested in biology and they are the reason I chose nursing in college. Among several they are one of the reasons I am in Africa prefecting my nursing skills.